Among the many things endured but never advertised by maintenance and security personnel at work on missile silos is the lack of bathroom facilities, and an official policy to restrain yourself from going. Additionally, occasionally civilians will pass the silo and catch someone in the act, raising all kinds of ire by reporting it to the commander. While the Launch Control Facility has them both topside and underground for use anytime needed, nothing exists as part of the installation at the silo, at least on an operational site (silos at Vandenberg AFB and Wallops Testing Facility have porta-potties, since they are only testing silos within a secure base perimeter). A "Porta-Potty" can't be placed at the silo as it could be used to hide a terrorist or a bomb. Since teams can get stuck on a silo for 12 hours or more, this leads to a clash with the official "hold it" policy. What actually happens depends on the individual, and can have some unusual outcomes. For instance:
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Most commonly, people will find a place to go behind a truck, airduct fan, or anywhere else semi-hidden. Since the area around the silo is usually very flat and open (and surrounded by farm field), privacy is scant - especially if the site is next to one or more roads. This can also create problems for others on the team, especially at night - avoiding stepping in "land-mines", as they are nicknamed.
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When the North Dakota wind is blowing (common), the ground is covered in 2 feet of snow, and nature calls, the last thing anyone wants to do is hang sensitive areas of the body out in the breeze to relieve yourself. Ditto on muggy summer days when the site lies next to a swamp (also common) and clouds of bird-sized mosquitoes blanket the area. In such circumstances, most opt to "go" down underground in the area of the Equipment Building. Considerate types will take a bag to carry the waste out when done, but some use the tunnel sump pump pit that gathers and pumps groundwater out of the Equipment Building. This is especially common if the site is "camped" by security guards because the intrusion alarm systems are down, and the technicians tasked with cleaning out a clogged pump and pit often invent colorful descriptions of the ancestry of such people.
While most personnel do try to restrain themselves while on site, sometimes there is no choice. In one hilarious illustration of "relief" difficulties, a maintenance team arrived at a silo after a long bumpy drive, as the first-arriving part of a multi-team force. The Team Chief, having dined on a large quantity of beer and mexican food the night before, was in none-too-good of shape on arrival. It was a typical North Dakota spring day, with the ground muddy from snow-melt, and the wind blowing at a good enough clip to steal your hat. Team Chief Gutz N. Uproar quickly opened the Equipment Building access and made his way hurriedly down the ladder, plastic bag in hand. He is gone for quite some time, and does an admirable job of filling the bag with noxious liquidy waste. While he is down there, the rest of the teams arrive, process on site, and open up the main silo area. Along with them has come a suprise visitor - the Commander, with a couple of VIP's to show off the proceedings to. At this point, our Hero emerges from below ground, bag in hand, completely unaware of the new arrivals; they, in turn, have not noticed him, either. With the wind buffeting him about, he makes a mad dash for the fenceline to toss the bag over into the neighboring mud of a farm field. He manages to get in range for the toss, but the wind, his arm swing, his running speed, and the mud all combine to remove his balance. He loudly exclaimed, "SHIIIT!" as he slipped, causing all eyes to turn on him. And that's what everyone saw, when they were treated to the spectacular view of the now Mis-guided Manure Missile, hitting the fence and ripping like a water balloon, splattering its' foul contents on the fence and one of the ventilation ducts as the wind carries it. When the unfortunate Team Chief heard the quantity of laughter, it dawned on him his audience had grown; a short time later he was involved in a rather tense conference with supervisory personnel who were present.
So if you should pass a silo and spy someone defying regulations to uncross his eyes, have a little sympathy, will ya?
Among the many things endured but never advertised by maintenance and security personnel at work on missile silos is the lack of bathroom facilities, and an official policy to restrain yourself from going. Additionally, occasionally civilians will pass the silo and catch someone in the act, raising all kinds of ire by reporting it to the commander. While the Launch Control Facility has them both topside and underground for use anytime needed, nothing exists as part of the installation at the silo, at least on an operational site (silos at Vandenberg AFB and Wallops Testing Facility have porta-potties, since they are only testing silos within a secure base perimeter). A "Porta-Potty" can't be placed at the silo as it could be used to hide a terrorist or a bomb. Since teams can get stuck on a silo for 12 hours or more, this leads to a clash with the official "hold it" policy. What actually happens depends on the individual, and can have some unusual outcomes. For instance: